Pokietransmogrification and Amnesia is Overrated
by Say It Say My Name
Summary: US and UK have conversation about pokemon, and it goes... interesting places. *THIS IS *NOT* A WEIRD USUK FETISH FIC* Fail summary is fail. T for language and themes. Technically a Hetalia/Pokemon-spinoff crossover. Pairing teases only. YOU LIKE CRACK? 8D
1. Prologue

_A/N: You probably think I don't know what a "prologue" and an "epilogue" are. Well, thbbbft to you! And all of my A/Ns will be much shorter than in my other one! So you can read them... :3_

_WARNING: Weird shit within. Also swearing. Hehe. Hildegard is not in this story, in case you guys were wondering. I might make an sequel for her still though. Idk. _

_OH AND GUYS IN THE UK I KNOW YOU PLAY POKIEMANS it's just England as a character seems like the type to get all high-and-mighty over the crappy new generations. _

_And yes. I am a pokieman nerd. Unfortunately, I do not have black or white yet, so there won't be much mention of them. _

_Also, no characters from pokemon, besides the actual pokemon, will be included, so it's more of a spin-off pokiemans/hetalia crossover than anything. :3 _

_And yes, I am aware of the little thing the goes over the e in pokemon. I'm just too lazy for that shit, man._

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><p><span>Prologue<span>

The hero kicked the door open, much to the Brit's dismay. Thankfully, he had asked Switzerland to leave his guns at home when he and his sister came over for tea, so America wasn't shot on sight. He waved his brand new midnight 3DS in the air, grinning like an idiot.

"I GOT THE NEW POKEMON GAME!" he shouted.

England wiped the spit off of his face. After sending an apologetic look to Switzerland, who kept reaching for an imaginary gun, and Liechtenstein, who was drinking her tea unphased, he turned a glare on America.

"First of all, you are buying me a new door. Second, the game was ruined when they started having _generations_ for it. And finally, get out of my house."

"HELL NAW! You did not just say all the new generations suck!"

"Well, no, not in those words, but all the new pokemans _are_ stupid. Plus, the spin-offs? Come on. How does one even _turn into_ a pokemon? It's completely unrealistic!"

America snorted. "Says the person who speaks to imaginary magical creatures on a daily basis."

England chose not to dignify that with a response. Liechtenstein, however, giggled, and Switzerland grumbled angrily under his breath.

"Besides, you have that wand thing, right? _You_ could turn us all into pokemons."

He pursed his lips. It was true. He could. "And what pokemon would you be, America?"

"Pffft, pikachu, duh! He's obviously the hero! And I guess you would be the flaming unicorn?"

England coughed. He would remember that... "Yes, yes, the unicorn. Shut your trap."

He stood and walked over to America, preparing to punt him out through the still-broken-down door. America didn't noticed, as he was playing the game. He was still playing when he landed back in Boston.

"Sorry about that," England said to the two Germanics. "I'll take care of him later."

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><p>Since I tend to lie and you may have read the summary, you're probably thinking that by "take care of him," England meant "<em>take care of him<em>" and waggled his eyebrows or some such thing. However, I wasn't lying this time. What England really did was this: he waited until his home was empty, went into his basement, and performed some very complex Harry Potter-esque magic, hoping only to turn America into... not a pikachu, for England was too pissed to give him what he wanted, but a honchkrow, remembering America's mafia days.

As he did this dangerous, unstable magic, he pondered what the other nations would be. He knew he would be a rapidash. When he thought of Japan, he thought of the psychic-bird-thing from the second generation (curse America, despite England trying to avoid learning anything about subsequent generations, it was hard not to know), xatu. And France (yuck)... France would be either jynx or roselia...

England felt the ground trembling; he fell on his butt in befuddlement. "What the hell?" It was dark.

He knew before he could even see again that something had gone wrong. Images of nations and pokemon flashed in his head.

He felt himself changing, and for a moment, he could see - he could see a fiery mountain... before he only saw darkness again.

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><p><em>And that was the prologue! :D You like? It is rather shot. I apologize for that. Future chapters will be longer, but probably won't be updated as regularly (ha!) as Vanished was. By the way, I am going to post one more bit on the end of Vanished. Gonna have a ton of information about Hildegard, and some links to some pictures as well. :3<em>


	2. Chapter 1: Waking Up

_A/N: How much of this is BS? I don't know, because I am super super lazy. Whatever, whatever, it's still in character, so there!_

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><p><span>Chapter 1: Waking Up<span>

He saw flashes of someone he thought he couldn't have ever been. "No one sees him, eh," he said to himself. He banished the boy from his mind. He is green and blue and has wings and can travel through time, and that other thing - that almost-human - _could not be him_.

Could he?

No, no, he couldn't. He naturally knew these strange, mysterious languages and these strange people with strange-colored eyes. Red and violet and sky blue stood out most. But that sort of knowledge came with the ability to time-travel. He is a celebi, after all.

They weren't important, though; something else was wrong, something was wrong with the world he knew, or the world he thought he should know... Yes, the trees and the flowers were familiar. He knew this place, and the other place was purely his imagination, a dimension he was not assigned.

In his mind, he saw a flash of the ones he needed to find right away: a sleeping ursaring, and a violet-eyed absol, already running, flanked by a blue-violet-eyed umbreon and a blue-eyed espeon.

Celebi knew that this ursaring was not truly an ursaring. He was called Cuba, and had visited his friend Canada the night before. Celebi wondered why the first thing he did when he woke him up was shout, "America, you bastard!" and attacked him when Celebi was clearly no such person.

"Stop," he said. He prevented his punch from connecting with a psychic force. After all, an angry ursaring was a fearsome thing.

Reading his mind, he thought him to resemble a certain second generation pokemon that Cuba enjoyed using (and winning with) against the America he had shouted at in their battles.

"Celebi?" he said, wondering if all those cigars had finally gone to his head.

He nodded. "I am as I appear... but you are not an ursaring, are you?"

"I'm Cuba."

"I know that. How did you come to that form? You're not a pokemon, eh."

Cuba blinked once, twice, then looked down. "I'm not! But I am! What in the hell?"

"That is what I am going to find out. There are others like you, yes?" The absol, umbreon, and espeon, for three...

"Like me? Um, yeah," he said. "Hundreds."

And immediately, he felt hundreds of points of... the only way to describe them would be as points of light, points of light appearing all on the same plane of the multi-dimensional map in his head. All on this world.

"They're all here as well."

Cuba growled, and checking his mind, he had once again thought of America. Then he stopped, remembering his friend, and Celebi saw the boy he had seen when he had first woken up.

"And Canada?" he asked.

Celebi's mind was going so quickly, trying to find this Canada, that he hardly registered what he said. "You remember him?"

Cuba sighed. "I try to, he's pretty cool. I have a hard time, though, his brother is a stupid ass hole."

"I... don't think he's here, eh," Celebi said.

"Damn. Well, you're looking for everyone, right? I'll just stick with you," he said, grinning. Celebi smiled.

"Please do. We have to find everyone. You do not belong here."

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><p>Russia knew a hangover when he had one (despite not having had one since the Iron Curtain came down and the USSR fell) and he had a <em>big<em> one. He hoped that his little sister had stayed home and hadn't followed him to America - scratch that, it was Canada he went to, for some... _friendly_, shall we say, hockey.

He had lost (that Canada was a beast on the ice, but he took a minute pride in knowing he was one of the few who could ever stand a chance of winning) but Canada had bought the drinks afterward. And... his big sister had been there as well, but Russia wasn't sure where she had gone to after his sixth drink.

He felt warm and fuzzy, and he knew it wasn't him, unless he had sprouted fur and-

And paws and a tail... Russia frowned.

Then the headache struck in full force, and he was up and running through the trees, as if his body had a mind of its own.

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><p><em>AN: Oh, look, the return of the double note! Soooo these are going to be much shorter than the chapters of Vanished, meaning they _should_ be more frequent. Key word there _emphasized_ for your _convenience_. I know the general direction I am going with this, so that's good. I don't know when the hell I will have that final bit of of Vanished with the info and links and stuff, nor do I know when I will post the first bit of the sequel, but I do know what I will be doing in it, and I give unto you a single clue: backpacking. And with that I say, auf wiedersehen!_


	3. Chapter 2: Like Totally

_a/n: Hellooooooooooooooo! Welcome baaaaaaack. Te gusta, I suppose? Hehe. More story for you. ^^ An alternate title for this story? EIGHTEEN LINES, ALL WAITING! BAHAAHAHAHAAHA! Review with your favorite groups of Hetalians and they will get more focus... maybe._

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><p><span>Chapter 2: Like Totally<span>

The espeon twitched under the glare of the umbreon. She knew her sister could be scary, but this was an all-new, hyperincredible level of terrifying.

"Where. is. brother?"

Ukraine jumped, despite the fact that her little sister's voice was just the same as always. She sniffled. "I don't know! I brought him to his room, and I woke up like this!"

"Then he must be nearby! I will sniff him out."

She put her nose to the ground, and Ukraine gingerly placed a paw up to her eyes. A _paw_. She hadn't much time to wonder what had happened, since Belarus had woken her up and interrogated her rather meanly on the location of their brother.

"Sister, you will help me find him, _tak_?"

"Yes, of course," she said, putting her nose to the ground as well.

She didn't need to; in her mind, she saw her brother, transformed like they were into an absol. He was headed for them.

"Why have you stopped?"

"He's coming," she said. "He'll be here soon."

She sat down. Belarus wasn't so quick to believe her. "How do you know?"

"I see him coming."

Belarus whipped around. "Do you see better than me? Why can't I hear him?"

"I see him in my mind."

A ray of light shone on her, and she looked up. Above the trees, the sky was clear and blue and the sun was out. The gap directly above her allowed the sun to shine through.

"Isn't it nice here?"

With a vaguely sour look, Belarus agreed with a nod. "Yes, brother would like it here very much, wouldn't he?"

"Yes..."

And they waited. And they waited.

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><p>"Ohemgee, Liet, when did you get so warm? Like, get off of me, you are like <em>way<em> too hot."

"I'm not on top of you," Lithuania said into what he hoped was a pillow, but was, in reality, the ground.

"Then can you check if I'm, like, on fire and junk? Like, oh my god, maybe I'm getting a hot flash!"

Lithuania groaned and tried to push himself up off the ground. He felt like he was covered in feathers. "I think you would know if you were-" He found himself face-to-face with a moltres and leaped into the air - and _stayed there_. "P-Po, is that you?"

The moltres rolled his eyes. "Like, duh. Am I on fire or not?"

"Yes! You are!" he said in a voice he is not ashamed to admit was very high.

"Like, put me out then, Liet! You are SO unhelpful!" Poland said, flapping his arms. "What the hell what the hell Liiiiiiiet!"

"I- Stop- I can't help you if you keep moving! And... um, Po, you're a bird."

"Yeah, yeah, pheonix, I know, I am _still on fire_!"

"No, I mean, that game! That game you play a lot, with America and France and Cuba!"

"Pfff you mean making up crappy movie posters? What's that have to do with this?"

"No, the other one, pocky... pokie... "

Poland stopped flapping and sort of hovered there. "Pokemon? Oooh, like, I _thought_ you totally looked like a pidgeot, Liet."

"I look like a what."

"A totally badass bird-pokemon! So, if I'm a bird as well, and I'm on fire, I must be, like, a moltres?"

Lithuania had no idea, and just agreed. "Yeah."

They both looked around. They were at the top of a mountain surrounded by a forest. The two remained silent for a moment, admiring the view.

"Obviously I would be a legendary, since I'm like _sooo_ much better than all of you guys."

Lithuania didn't have a reply, but a question. "And what defines a legendary?"

"One of a kind! Ha!"

Lithuania was about to affirm the truth of Poland's statement when he heard a distant, "Latviaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Estonia!"

"Poland," Poland corrected. "Sheesh, you should like, know my name by now. I don't even look like that Estonia guy."

But Lithuania was already trying to run toward his Baltic neighbor. He was quickly finding, however, he couldn't move very fast, and he also had no idea where he was going.

"Like, where are you going, Liet? I'm over here," Poland said, and Lithuania could hear the pout in his voice. "Oh, heeey! Flying is fun!"

A large shadow passed over him, and Poland landed several yards away. "You can, like, fly, can't you? You were doing it earlier."

"I was?"

"Yeah! If you can't, I'll, like, carry you for once."

"You would?" Lithuania said, but trying to fly nonetheless.

"Yeah, you totally can't make any funny faces with a beak that would, like, make it worth not carrying you."

"Thanks, Po."

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><p><em>aaannnn: Oh yes. Random cut offs! Yay! HAHAHA yes I am evil. When Will Russia come? I don't know. I'll figure it out when I get around to it. Random updates yay! Random titles, yay!_


	4. Chapter 3: Shake Yo Fishes

**A/N:** _oh hi! Welcome back~ Sorry for my lateness, I'm not good at time and stuff. I thought it had only been four days when I checked yesterday, and lo and behold, it's been EIGHT! No excuses, though. Here's the next chapter. Also I'm surprisingly super-busy. Also writer's block is a BI. ATCH._

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><p><span>Chapter 3: Shake Yo Fishes<span>

Seychelles swims a lot. She swims for pictures in her brochures, she swims for videos on the travel channel, she swims to catch fish on the fishing channel, she swims to catch fish to eat for dinner, she'd swim for fun, she'd swim to relax.

She'd float to sleep some nights, and that's what she had been doing, so she was entirely unsurprised to wake up in the water. What she was not expecting was to be in a different shape far below the water's surface, breathing through sea blue skin.

She found that she couldn't panic. She was calm. Seychelles sighed and started swimming. She noticed the water was different than usual and knew she had been moved. She wondered who had taken her... and started searching.

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><p>America yawned, jumped up (noting that he must have been kicking in his sleep again - his giant comforter was gone), and stretched his wings.<p>

Wings?

Well, okay, America could deal with wings. Let's see... black feather wings. So he was a bird and not a bat - there went his dreams of being a literal batman.

Perhaps his surroundings would give him some more clues?

He wasn't in his room anymore. That was a little annoying. Not that he minded being outside so much, but he wanted to get back to beating his new game on his new 3DS. But alas, he was probably quite far from his room, seeing as he was in the middle of a very dense forest.

At least he could have an adventure in the meantime. Hell, maybe it'd be better than a pokemon game!

With that thought, he tried to figure out how to fly. In theory, it was easy, but actually doing it was a lot harder than he thought. The numerous tries, and subsequent fails, elicited many loud, American grunts of frustration, and soon enough he had attracted a murder of crows with all his noise.

Mur...krows...

"HOLY SHIT, IGGY DID IT!" he shouted. The murkrows jumped and fell into order around him. America cocked his head. Why would they do that?

One cawed, nervously to him, and somehow he understood the caw. "What do you need us for, honchkrow, sir?"

Sir? He snorted. Plus he was a honchkrow - interesting. It was certainly no pikachu, but hey, he could fly! Or at least, he had the wings for it.

"Yeah, teach me how to fly," he said.

They all stared at him blankly. He flapped his wings. "Fly? You know, in the air?"

One ruffled its feathers. "Yes, of course we know. It's just that... How have you survived for so long without being able to fly?" she asked.

"I - I hit my head recently and got amnesia."

They seemed to accept this.

"Okay, well, you sort of fall forward-"

"-and flap your wings really hard-"

"-it's much easier to do from high up-"

"-are you gonna give us food after this?"

"Yeah, sure, if I can find some." His main focus, however, was flying. He felt like, if he could fly, he would be able to figure out what the hell was going on. So he put on his Determinator face and listened to every technique the bird pokemon threw at him.

When he finally got in the air, he was so surprised that he crashed right back into the ground. He was too excited to care, however. "Fuck yeah!" he shouted.

The murkrows began shrieking advice at him.

"Watch out for awkwardly jutting branches-"

"-and awkwardly blowing winds-"

"-and other pokemon who fly awkwardly-"

"-and awkwardly placed ice clouds-"

"-and Fire Mountain-"

"It's a volcano, you idiot!"

"That's not as fun to say!"

"Vol-ca-no!"

"Fire Mountain!"

"Thanks, guys," he shouted over them, and left them to their argument, flying straight up as best as he could. Fire Mountain? It sounded to him like some magical place... where he could find England. It was like a quest! Except England was obviously the cause of this, therefore he was the Big Bad, by America's logic.

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><p>"So, who are we looking for first?" Cuba asked. "And how do we find them? I can't make heads or tails of this place!"<p>

"He's an absol. I believe you would call him Russia. He's with his sisters, Ukraine and Belarus. They're not far."

"Okay. I... sort of know him..."

Cuba stopped, ear cocked toward the sky. He had been following Celebi, who floated along at a lazy pace, but he heard something.

"Something's flying up there."

Without stopping or even looking up, Celebi answered. "We don't need the Baltics yet. It's better we find the others first, eh?"

"You sure? I mean, they're right there."

He waited for Cuba to catch up. "I'm not going to get them. Are you?"

Cuba looked down at himself, and highly doubted he had the ability to get the Baltics' attention. "I guess not."

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><p><em>A.N. With story lines like these, who needs other stories? PACK 'EM ALL IN! YEEAH!<em>

_Also, yay, subconsciously blaming America for everything! I love my country! Hahahaha (okay, I do, I think it could be better in many ways that I don't even know how to soapbox on, but I don't like much his characterization~ _Some_ of us don't like Mickey D's, mmmkay?)_

_FIRE MOUNTAIN! FIRE MOUNTAIN!_


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